It'll all come out in the wash

Never trust a human when they start washing your bedding. Now, I know I've complained in the past about the speed of service when it comes to having my bed made up but I've learned to be very suspicious indeed when she starts washing them, especially when they haven't reached full maturity. What's more is that they're never going to reach that stage now because I had a shower too and I smell of lavender now which is totally disgusting.

I can only guess what might be going on. It could be someone important coming to visit. That seems unlikely given the state of the rest of the house. I've never seen so much of my hair having been allowed to accumulate in the corners. I've noticed that She's up later than usual and has been waking me up in the night by climbing over me at 4am to go downstairs. I mean, how inconsiderate can you be? The worst thing of all is this: they know that things are a bit fuzzy for me these days and yet they are leaving boxes, toys and piles of towels and things all over the place. I keep tripping over random objects. Would you do this to a blind human? Well, you might not but maybe I would but that's beside the point. They're supposed to look out for me, be responsible for my welfare. I think they're trying to kill me. Of course, I'm exploiting certain aspects of this; when something is lying on the floor then it is asking to be used and then there's the whole deaf thing so I can't really get told off, can I? I can also recommend an extremely effective way of being annoying; what you do is hoover in the doorways looking vacant but you must also remember to be completely unresponsive.

Let me share my one dream that I am truly hoping will come true. I hesitate to speak about this in case that in doing so, I cast a jinx on my good fortune. Perhaps my bedding has been washed because I'm going to the old lady's house to stay? I'm keeping my paws crossed.