His Master's Voice

Now here's a puzzle for you. She thinks it's fine to start writing half way through her life but she can't get her head around the idea the I can start barking at the age of 105.

I know I used to do it until about 14 years ago but as I could hear less, I figured that there wasn't much point carrying on when I couldn't appreciate the delight of my own voice. At my age, you have to preserve you energy for more important things like smelling. Anyway, when they all bundled into the big car with all their worldly belongings to go off and collect lots of new smells over the course of a week, I went on holiday. A bit like the Ritz, really. The nice old lady, the one I've trained so well was very welcoming and obviously keen on learning more. It would be ungenerous of me not to acknowledge that this was a mutual, life-enhancing experience. Who says that you can never teach an old human new tricks?

She has a compact garden but which is rich in wildlife, perfect for recreational pursuits. I liked to spend a lot of time out there. This wasn't a problem for her as it gave her a chance to tidy my room and make my bed. Here comes the best bit. I barked to be let back in. And it didn't stop there. I barked to summon her and guess what? She came. In fact, she learned to come more quickly the more I barked which I think is jolly clever. You see, she recognised the quality of a quiet, manly, gruff, distinguished bark and its natural association with the need for attendance. It's so common when you hear dogs barking desperately, don't you think?

The by-product of this was that I exercised vocal cords I had forgotten about so I have her to thank for that. I later learned that my usual humans, having returned from their week away smelling interesting had obviously not undergone any similar training or intellectual stimulation. They're as slow as ever. In fact, I've almost given up barking again as they just don't seem capable of responding in quite the same way. The only reaction I got was one of puzzlement and confusion and I think that says it all.