Hello Australia!

Oh well, it's back to normal now. She's not rushed out again this morning and this is the second day running so I think she's not working. Some of us don't have that luxury. Some of us work from home. Some of us don't even have any career choices. Imagine being born a shelf-stacker, a dustman or a milkman without even being asked what you wanted to do. Imagine getting up in the morning and leaving milk on people's doorsteps without knowing why. Imagine being a retriever; some of us don't have to.

Anyway, I digress. She's using His laptop now because she broke her own. Can you tell my why it is that I get gesticulated at for digging a hole in the flowerbed (okay, so it was two holes) and no one does a thing when she wastes a perfectly good piece of equipment. It's a bit harder for me to get access to His laptop and the whole flowerbed thing isn't going to help the situation so I thought I'd better do this quickly before He comes home from work.

I know that I promised to share the contents of my lovely postcard so later on I'll show you a photo of it to prove I'm not imagining it. However, I think I also mentioned her broken camera which has now been replaced by a new one which I can't work. So, I'm going to have to do some serious sucking up tonight if I want help with that. Maybe I'll do less slurping whilst they watch television. Anyway, here is what she said:

Dear Monty,

As your Antipodean cousin I thought that I should introduce myself to you even though we have never met. I am Jacquie, the Jack Russell and I live in sunny Queensland. I do have to tell you how much I enjoy your blog especially the trials and tribulations you have with having your bed made up. Maybe you have to train her a bit better (I have no trouble there at all). Also, please let me know what the Antipodeans got up to on their recent visit (any mention of their adventures was sadly lacking from your blog).

Love and kisses
Jacquie

ps I have been in 3 different beds on 3 different nights this week due to renovations.



I am sure that you will understand my disappointment that we shall never meet in the fur but it is nevertheless an absolute delight to communicate with such an articulate and eloquent young lady dog. I am also confident that she has been attracted to my dignified and mature image on my blog, the likes of which are very rare indeed. Therefore, I must not disappoint and will let her have a little information about her humans' activities whilst they were over here.

Unfortunately, my understanding of their movements (no, not those sort of movements, we're not all obsessed) is limited due to my lack of hearing but I did spend one memorable day in their company and details of this will follow soon.

In the meantime, I send my best wishes to Jacquie and any other dogs out there reading my blog who are too shy to comment but who appreciate my witty banter.

Keeping in Touch

Not only has she been working all week but she's broken her laptop as well. As a matter of fact, she also broke her mobile phone (she could only use it on the loudspeaker which was amusing to watch), her watch, her new camera and one of their nice little plates. Not really a good week then. Therefore, I've been a little absent from your lives and for this I apologise. I've been reminded of the niceties of keeping in touch this week because I had a rather nice postcard from a young lady dog. I will share its contents with you later in the week when I get proper access to a computer and can devote the amount of attention it deserves to get. It is so rare that one receives such pleasant communications these days. Anyway, I will keep you posted in due course.

On being ignored

As you will have seen in recent photos, my home is the kitchen. Now for some bizarre reason - and this is not the first time, in fact, I'm pretty sure it happened last year too - they packed 15 of the little girl's size of humans into my room. They were dressed in every shade of grey you could think of and showing their teeth a lot. I have to say that it was much more bearable this time as I couldn't hear a thing but they all looked stronger and about half-human size this time so I felt a little overwhelmed. They each came with interesting boxes wrapped in paper and I got thrown into another room with the door shut. I was only being sociable. I even tried barking and no one let me out. I could smell nice things coming through the gap under the door. Still, they didn't mind me cleaning the floor up when they'd gone. Quite nice it was too.

The nerve of it

There was one thing I forgot to mention the other day and it was probably the most important of all. With all the moving of furniture, my bed is now under the table in the kitchen (the one which was in the kitchen, then the hallway, then the kitchen and then moved to its current position in the kitchen) and this has good and bad implications.

Firstly, I have my own space, clearly defined by the boundaries of the four very substantial legs (substantial because it's one of those farmhouse tables)and it is mine alone. After all, no one else wants to get under there with me and anyway, I can always discourage that if need be by chewing my groin and making snuffling and slurping noises. I'm pretty safe from children climbing in and making by blankets sticky with anything not of doggy origins.

Secondly - and I think I might've mentioned this before - I'm less likely to be kicked in the face as She's on her way to the fridge as was the situation before the reshuffle.

It's all good so far. There are only two potential difficulties: one, I admit to being a little more jumpy these days since I lost my hearing and I'll have to be careful when startled as this could have a detrimental effect upon my skull. Secondly, I've noticed that my bed isn't getting made up as often as it was. What I need is one of those signs humans put outside their hotel rooms when they want their rooms serviced. Anyone got one?

Christmas Day in July

She's been at it again; moving the furniture around. The table that was in the hallway is back in the kitchen (She moved it to one place and He moved it to another), the piano that was in the sitting room is now in the hallway, ditto for the two bookcases and the thing with the boxes of annoying toys is in the kitchen. If that's not bad enough - and let me tell you that it certainly is - the little boy human's enthusiasm for the box labelled 'Musical Instruments' was renewed by it's relocation. It reminded me of the frantic attention he pays to his toys at Christmas. And guess what? I couldn't hear a thing. Fantastic!

Later on, the little girl came in from that thing she does with a metal stick, hyped up on nice-smelling sugary goodies, insisting that there was a big fat turkey on the roof. Now, even I know that this was very unprobable. It was far more likely to have been one of those tasty pidgeons, just like the ones in bits on the lawn the other day. It wasn't me, honest....

The final bit of proof that they're all as barmy as each other came when the little boy came downstairs (this is something he gets told off for in the same way as I get into trouble for going upstairs)and he was wearing his Christmas pyjamas. I think He was the one who got him ready for bed. I rest my case and my weary head.