A pleasant evening stroll

What happened to the idea of one man and his dog? Somehow, it's not the same; one woman, one little girl and one little boy, all of whom have different agendas for taking an after-dinner stroll.

Firstly, I have to say that I knew it was a bad idea from the start. The little one doesn't walk very fast or very far and falls over quite a lot. Like me, he's doesn't like to walk in a straight line and enjoys stopping unexpectedly to examine the dandelions, trees and blades of grass. The only difference is that he doesn't urinate over them. Usually. What I can't understand is that when I go, she doesn't care except that she gets embarrassed if it's over someone's flowers. For him, we were suddenly in a blind panic to get to a side road with a hedge. He got told off for not going before he went out. Maybe he was just marking out his territory but then who am I to give parental advice?

I could tell that she wasn't enjoying it. Frankly, neither was I seeing as how instead of my usual lead, she wrapped me up in some peculiar black straps. You'd think the fact that it took her about 10 attempts to get it on the right way around would have given her a clue as to its unsuitability for a dog of my standing. The man had to come along and help and once they were both satisfied, we left the house. My funny walk was probably the reason that the other dog and I came to blows. 'You're not very friendly, are you Tyler?' was what the other woman said and I still don't know to whom she was directing her question. All I can say it that it is hard to retain your dignity when you go out onto the street looking like you're ready for some bizarre bondage session.

Whilst her guard was down and she was preoccupied with getting the two little people to walk to heel, I decided to try something out. The way things were going, I just knew that she was going to try and cut our walk short. When we got to the corner just past the postbox, I could feel her veering off to the right. I wasn't ready to go home just yet so I tried pulling her straight ahead instead. It didn't work. She was onto me and tried pulling me to the right. That didn't work either. This Mexican standoff was too much for her and predictably, she gave in and our walk was extended. In fact, her arms were extended too. By this time, we were working as a team and the boy was lagging behind and I was steaming ahead purposefully. Nice work indeed. That'll be the last time she makes me wear that thing.