Busted

When I arrived, they had a form. It was all in black and white: DOES NOT LIKE LOUD NOISES. How much clearer could it have been? Fair enough, fireworks are an extreme example and admittedly, I do spend rather a lot of time shaking, facing the corner of the room but just because I don't do that for everything, doesn't mean I'm OK about it. As if four children weren't enough. When are children at their most noisy stage? Between 4 and 6 and also between 16 and 18. Guess what? That's what I have to live with. If it's not toy guns, drums or recorders being blown, it's that thump, thump, thump and the guitar music. For some reason, the older ones turn up the television to ear splitting level even though they're lying in front of it. It's just not fair. You should hear them when they're all in the kitchen at once. The sound bounces around like a rubber ball in fish bowl.

Just recently, she's developed a new obsession: cleaning carpets. School days are usually relatively quiet but not today. Today, she spent the entire time moving things around in the dining room, using that dreadful contraption to get rid of what she calls 'dirt'. There's nothing wrong with a good doggy smell. I've worked hard on that carpet over the years and I'd just got it how I wanted it and then she goes and spoils it. I did laugh though. She spent ages with a huge needle trying to sew over the bare patch with the loose thread which had been hidden under the rug. I had to put my paws up to that one. After breakfast on day - theirs, not mine - when the old lady had given me my milk and cereal (whilst the others weren't looking), I went into the dining room to wipe my chops on the carpet. Unfortunately, the metal ring on my collar got caught in the pile and pulled a massive thread away. More unfortunately, my name tag came off in the struggle to free myself and anxious to remove myself from the scene, I left it there.

It's quite hard to look cute enough to get past that sort of faux pas. Worse still, had they just been angry, I could've taken it but they all had a good laugh at my expense instead; said that I was actually rather stupid not to have covered my tracks. Like they never make a mistake! What happened to plain honesty anyway?

She's pleased with herself this evening. The carpet is back to its original colour and she's shut the door. The final straw is this: he's come and home set up in competition with her. He's picked up the poo and got the lawn mower out. I've got twice as much work to do now .....