What a Day!

She's up to something, I know it. Here I am 91 years old (did I mention that before?) and she brings a blonde around to play. She's trying to kill me. She expected me to be cross. She seemed surprised to learn that it's male dogs I don't like. What is she on? Yeah, I know, I can't do anything about it (that definitely would kill me) but there's nothing wrong with a little female company. Especially when we have so much in common. Looks, for one. Although she's a northerner; from Liverpool, I believe whilst I....well, let's just say that I'm not. I was the perfect gent. I let her drink out of my water bowl, wipe her bottom on the floor (she has an anal gland problem) and didn't complain about her running around on my patch, even though I was kept on a lead. Then they decided that going for a walk would be a good idea. See how we got on, they said. It was one of the proudest moments I can remember, the ultimate in cool; walking along the pavement with a lady at my side. Of course I wasn't going to bite her! What kind of tricks do these humans get up to anyway? I still think she's up to something...