The Blind Referee

I thought my position as the blind referee in this house was becoming untenable. I'd already mistakenly responded to a shout to the treats drawer. But the jury's still out and I continue to test the waters. This morning, I put my teeth around Marmaduke (aka 'The Ginger One and The Ginger Ninja) in a loving kind of way. He wasn't perturbed by it all and actually kept making that strange noise, the one that he always makes when I taste him, the same one that Tiger ('The Stripy One') never makes. The point is that I wasn't shouted at even though She was watching. She was staring at us rather intently and she did look as though she could pounce at any second but nothing was said. This is encouraging. This means that she has some doubts about my deafness. This also means that I can continue to make little errors of judgment without risk of remonstration. What fun.

It's not that I don't like Marmaduke; far from it. But he has been a bit cheeky recently and it would be handy to have a little trick up my metaphorical sleeve. It's funny really, outwardly, Tiger presents more of a threat as a very traditionalist anti-dog kind of cat. However, I have managed to scare the wits out of him in the garden. The humans seem to have accepted my rules in the garden as far as dog-cat relationships go; I think it indulges their tendency to fantasise about my guarding instincts. Did I say 'fantasise'? Whoops, oh well, let's not go into that now. Or it could be because they don't actually like him very much either. He doesn't exactly help his case, streaking around here and there, belly on the ground (he's got the shortest legs I've ever seen on a cat), only coming home to eat or infest us with fleas and spending all his leisure time next door. The neighbours call him 'Snugglepuss'. Ha! That's not among the names I've heard them calling him here. Yesterday, he engraved Her hand when she tried to put him in the box to go to the vets.

Conversely, I have never seen Marmaduke streak anywhere or even gather more than a strolling pace even under pursuit. Obviously, it is pointless chasing him. However, the odd sly nibble, just to show who's boss wouldn't go amiss. And if Operation Hush is back on, it won't even have to be that sly.