A bit of bother

As you may already know, I was greatly looking forward to my week of rest and relaxation. The thing is, I have a sense of duty to preserve what's most precious to me. It's a bit like the doctor-patient relationship - not like the vet-dog one, but that's another issue altogether - and I feel loathed to divulge too much information about what went on whilst they were away.

Therefore, I must apologise for what may appear to be a rather sketchy account as I will only be sharing the highlights and lowlights of the week. As a literary animal, this editorial process is a natural state of affairs but I want you to be assured that this is not rudeness or dishonesty on my part as I have no wish to offend my lovely readers.

Firstly, my cover is slightly blown. There was a thunderstorm. A big one. Now, the one that took place before the humans went away went off very nicely indeed with absolute success in convincing them that I didn't hear a thing. This one, however, was on a completely different scale and Operation Hush had to be aborted. The old lady was clearly unnerved too and kept looking at me. I don't think she'd ever seen me like that before. She did pat me a couple of times and said a few soothing words but other than that, I was on my own. Actually, I was a little upset because I heard her describing me as 'like a demented thing' to someone. I'm not sure whether they'll fall for the idea that the lightning set me off. She's started testing me. Telling me to sit without hand signals. Putting food in my bowl without pointing. I'm onto her now so I'll just need to modify my M.O. a bit before we're back on track and Operation Hush can be resumed.

Secondly, the ginger one has been presenting a few problems. I've always given him a certain amount of leeway as he's a fairly agreeable chap in general. Just recently, though, he's been a little clingy; sidling up to me when I'm resting, stretching out and treating me like a hot water bottle. I am not responsible for him and he doesn't seem to realise as much. It's as if he thinks I'm his mother. And now, now he's taking liberties. He's started sleeping in my bed. I have photographic evidence and this will follow tomorrow and then you'll see just what I'm talking about. Anyway, today, we had a little spat and it was the little girl who intervened. What is a dog supposed to do? It's not as if I bit him, really; it was just a gentle nibble. But who got locked in the sitting room with the two small humans? Me, that's who. And old Ginger-Ninja gets off scot-free. On reflection, I think it's a matter of timing as it depends which human is in the room at the time of the alleged incident. I don't think I'm giving away too much if I tell you that the Old Lady tipped him out of my bed twice when she came to stay so I'm certain that she's on my side. As for the others? I'm not sure. I'll have to watch my back otherwise I could be biting off more than I can chew.

And talking of chewing, I gather they spent too much on holiday as She was eating some very poor quality chocolates last night. This is notable not just because they were of the cheapest variety from a well-known supermarket (I didn't even know that they did chocolates under that label) but because she made a point of putting them out of my nose-reach when they went to bed. Hard times indeed.

And lastly, a very Happy Birthday to another lady whose very thoughtful humans went to the trouble of celebrating her special day. Not that I'm bitter or anything .....